This isn't your typical Tokyo Drift maneuver... But sometimes it do be like that...

Burnout; A topic we have all heard several times at some point in our emergency careers. One definition is: "Feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion. Increased mental distance from one's job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job. Reduced professional efficacy." But doesn't this sound familiar? Like on a daily basis..? I'm not sure there are many First Responders that don't feel that way by the end of a single 12-hour shift, let alone many days consecutively. In fact, there are so many studies showing that a standard work week will leave most of us not only sleep deprived, but malnourished as well (nicotine/caffeine). Despite this being known by medical profesionals and people in the industry, this may always be a broken system. As unfortunate as that is, I am unsure slight changes will make the impact needed.  I've learned a few of those things keeping emergency services from moving forward, and it is a slippery discussion. From my standpoint as a "Happy to be a box medic", I was always 'part of the problem'. But those that treated the job as a "stepping stone" or any other reason than being there as a passion were the problem. At least in my eyes... That, however, is not a plainly put topic to just rant. It will require many changes and many people comfortable with calling out the problems.

Holiday season is a joy. We get to decorate our rigs for the holiday cheer, and most people are in a decent mood. It's the time we get to spend with family members we only see once a year. Two years ago, it was my time to spend with dying family members that may not be around much longer (My grandfather died just before christmas). The timing was awful. I put in my hard work, and always tried to keep a smile on my face despite some feelings. The burnout was creeping in, and at this point in my career I knew it wasn't my typical exhaustion. I was nearing a breaking point. Whether it was losing my grandfather, a close friend commiting suicide, or just a new wave of criticisms for my field; I was ready to throw in the towel. My family planned a trip to camp all together so we could be with eachother during the hard time of losing my grandfather. It was helpful to see them. To be surrounded by family having similar feelings. I needed more time to sort how I was feeling on top of being run down by the call volume. I called in to my supervisor with a plea "I need another day with my family to ensure I am in a good head space before returning". The answer caught me off guard, and ultimately led to my exit from the field months later. Supervisor, "You understand we're in a Pandemic right? You aren't the only one losing family, and you have an obligation to serve this community." I couldn't believe what I was told. Here I was struggling with family things, and I had no outside support. From what my super said I couldn't argue. He wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right.... We work in a field that should require us to receive the time necessary to be the best patient advocates. But as I've said... The field is broken. And until it is treated as something other than a stepping stone, the industry will remain sad and unable to support it's workforce. But hey, we all drink our black coffee to match our souls... So we're all 'Happily Broken'.